Would you be at ease knowing that if you are looking online you cannot give the relationship a chance? Are you ok that you may hurt both of you because opportunities come easier and in catalogue style online? The rules and regulations on match. This cannot be said enough:. If you are able to set up a profile on match, you should familiarize yourself with how it works. You should know how the service works including the fact that a tracking cookie is on your profile associated with your email account. Lets get brutally honest now. Is it the ego? Why do you CARE and need to open a wink or email once you are exclusive?
The subject is in your email subject line and says: So and So just winked at you. WHY are you opening that email at all? Guess what — if you did then you are not ready to be honest with her or yourself. If you had the conversation about killing both profiles there is NO excuse to open the emails or winks even now that you know the tidbit about the cookie auto log in I just told you about. Being exclusive means resisting temptation and focusing on the lady you are bedding and claim to be crazy about. Being crazy about her may not be enough if you have to check your match winks and mails.
Its called self control or let her go find someone who will value himself and her enough to not open those tempting emails and winks. My ex — same thing. He opened an email and my friends said he was online within 24 hours. He was sent to them as a mutual match and it showed that he was online that day within ONE hour after he had with me in bed the night prior. I did not flip out. I spoke with him about it. He agreed to take it down.
The first time I asked he claimed to answer an email without logging in to a woman who asked him a business related question. Is this not a dating venue? She can consult someone else. He said he replied out of respect. What respect does he have for me then? He cared less about our relationship. The second time I found him online I dumped him. He went bananas and said he was crazy about me. Then instead of apologizing he yelled at me for knowing. He claimed I logged in to check.
I said show me where my profile is. My sister looked on her computer from he account as she is on there, too. I am protecting myself from a man who HAD to answer an email to some woman on a dating site to be respectful. Even after three discussions and several screenshots as well as telling him HOW to delete his account and HOW to bury his cookie email tracks, he still could not resist. PLUS there is NO shame in publicly searching as a guest when he has or she has already lied or had been interested in emails and winks from people on there once exclusive.
No I did not log in. I called match to make sure I did not falsely accuse him of being online if he was not. They checked and said he had been. They also indicated that to open an email or wink from the service from the associated account would show them as online. Is it really bad of them to do that? The responsible party is the man or woman who has to open those emails to stroke their ego or satisfy what they think is a harmless curiosity. Match member ignorance is not a defense.
You are old and wise enough to read the TOS and have basic respect. If you play to your curiosity expect to lose that person. You are risking STDS,emotionally injuring people who deserve respect and maybe losing out on a really good person. In my situation he is now an ex for a reason.
Finding out the basement roommate and he actually did have an intimate relationship after swearing up and down since July that he never touched her was the final straw of many in the red flags and numerous chances to be honest. I find this truth out many many months after dating when she kept walking up into his house and always there when I came over. I finally pushed him and he admitted he and she had a sexual relationship a long time ago and that he had lied but he felt nothing for her then or now.
Denial is not a river in Egypt and you can do a non member search to check if he or she has lied to you before. No shame in protecting your biggest investment: Dave — receiving or deleting a match. So there you have it folks. Enough dirt to cover your tracks. They are not looking out for you if they still are checking out the menu while proclaiming they are crazy about you. They can be crazy about you and still want to screw the basement chick. Hey Dave — you might try sending her here to see that others have dealt with the problem. I completely empathize with you.
What he did is not right and you did not deserve to be hurt like that. No wonder so many lose faith in the online dating venue. Myself along with many of my personal friends have reiterated your story to me through tears and hugs. The risk of being lied to is higher online because it is a catalogue of sorts. Higher numbers of people in the dating pool. Easier access to women and men verses the old fashioned way of courting and meeting. I set up some boundaries to lessen not eliminate the likelihood of this happening to me again.
Perhaps this might help you as well. No sex until you both take down your profiles and agree to be exclusive. If you can share your body through sexual contact which is clearly intimate contact , then you should be comfortable enough to have the talk about expectations. Stop fooling one another with the notion that we should not have expectations. It is NOT being needy. It is being wise and mature to set clear concise boundaries to value and protect your emotional sexual health.
It is your right to care about your health and well being. Forgive the presumption that match. The major idea is to help people find love. All it takes is one act of unprotected or oral sex and a habitual liar with high risk behavior to expose you to a lifetime of emotional and physical problems. There is no cure for herpes. There is no cure for HIV. There is no cure but an expensive therapist to sit with you for several sessions for emotional damage — to help re establish your self worth and value that was destroyed by one person who had the audacity to demand NO expectations while you jump to his cool as heck laid back beat.
Check out that instinct and red flags. Never apologize for checking up on a person who has lied to you and promises to do better. All this bull about the guy being scared of commitment and just being a guy is bull crap. I am in the same boat and I wil be having a discussion with my so called guy about this asap.
He may like you, he may love you, he may be into you but…. I am sorry I know it is painful to hear. Ladies, be smart about this, like a previous poster said, respect yourselves, love yourselves, and have enough confidence to kick his azz to the curb if you have to… One day he will realize what he had and how he messed it up, may not be tomorrow but one day he will! I am struck by how similar my experience is to so many others.
I met someone online a year ago and we started dating six months ago. About a month into dating, I knew I really liked him and wanted to see where it was going to go. So, I hid my profile. About three months into dating, I knew I was starting to fall in love with him and I was bothered that his profile was still active, he would be on at least every other day.
We saw each other at least once on the weekend and would text, email, IM and phone throughout the week. It finally bothered me so much that his profile was still active that I asked him about it. He said he had in the past gone from one serious relationship to another and wants to see what dating around is like. We continued seeing each other and finally I just told him that I had made it clear in my profile that I was seeking a long term relationship and that he had indicated that in his profile as well.
I said that he really should think about changing that if his goal is simply to date around. Is there any hope here Brad?
Should I just chalk it up to experience and walk away? But I do remember in the summer we seemed very close. He did many kind and loving things…though he no longer does them. Is it too late to salvage anything…or was there anything to salvage? You can continue to hang out with him but start looking to date other guys as well? Of course, you should only do this if you could be comfortable with it. Sorry to repeat the same thing, just wanted to see if you could help me a little. I started dating a guy 3 months ago. Since then things are going fantastically. He is super attentive when we are together, has introduced me to all of his friends who have warmly accepted me into their circle as one of their own.
When we are together his behavior to me in without fault and amazingly caring. However, I know has has a dating profile because a few weeks after we started dating my friend who uses the site told me she saw a profile for him.
She showed me the profile and it said he was interested in meeting women for dates. But, last weekend over in the same friends house she told me that his profile is still there. We had a look and he has changed his profile to looking for women for friends. But his write up still says he wants dates. The fact that he changed his profile means that he still uses the site. I am a little upset so a few days I set up a fake profile with photos of another friend he has never met and messaged him. He did not reply. How do you think I should proceed. Also, as a side note. Should alarm bells be ringing.
Emma — I think you should gently ask him about it but not attack him about it. His status updating from:. Yeah, a deleted profile would be best or updated text but at least he has it heading in the right direction. Just to play devils advocate: He goes to this site and changes his status without thinking about his profile text and logs out. Thankyou for your advice about my dilema above. I just wanted to give you an update. I have not confronted my boyfriend about this online dating profile yet. I would really like him to come to the realization that he needs to delete it himself!!!
I have never done online dating myself but because of my boyfriends profile I now log in under a fake profile every day to check his activity. He goes online every day Brad yesterday he was online in the morning and in the evening. Now, he only goes online for a couple of minutes at a time whenever he does log in. I was able to get a hold of his phone last week and saw that he had the dating site application on it. He did not have any sent messages in his sent out box. He had a couple of messages received — one of which was from my fake profile.
He never responded to that message by the way. In the meantime Brad he treats me very well and has introduced me to his parents and all his friends. I was at dinner in his parents house tonight. These actions tel me that he likes me and is trying to have a serious relationship with me. The online dating profile is tellng me that he is still keeping his options open just incase. Then he will always know that I found out and, the guilt he may feel could jeopardise our relationship. I really like this gy so I want to give him a chance to delete the profile of his own accord.
I have been dating my boyfriend for 8 months now. We met on a dating site and were surprised to find that even though we live in a small town we had never met. I just turned 22 and he wil be turning In the first few weeks we were together I was worried about how my daughter would react to being around a new guy.
She fell in love with him. But my daughter has this thing where she loves to look at his pictures and since his phone is touch screen and she is only 3 she sometimes hits other buttons, well about a week ago she opened his browser and ended up on the exact dating site I am talking about. After that we never said another word about it and have been hanging out like nothing happened.
I have even offered to show him how to delete it but that conversation always ends quickly. I have also noticed that on his computer he is getting on another site and looking at personals, mostly from other states. My biggest worry is my daughter, she is VERY attached to him and tells him that he is her best friend and she loves him, and he tells her the same.
They have become almost impossible to keep apart! I really do love him and want to be with him, everything would be great if I could just figure out how to get him off those sites. I understand not wanting to fight and dropping it but his excuse for being on the site was pretty weak…. Also, based on his responses to your previous questions, I get the feeling if you were able to prove he was using the services his response is going to be a strong one and to me it seems like the wrong person is getting angry! I know its him because of the wording he used and the things he is looking for.
He has no idea that I know about this site. I just have no idea what to do anymore…He is acting like everything is good other than my crazy moodiness lately I think some of it has to deal with him and the other is just a mix of things bothering me. Erica — have you tried talking with him about this more aggressively? There could be other people who write like him! We live an hour apart so I only see him once a week -but we talk or text daily. He goes out of his way to text me just to say hi, good morning, or see how my day is going.
He is doing everything right.
Found his Facebook page and his relationship status says involved with another girl. Obviously upset, he asked me later what was wrong and I told him. He said its nothing.. Brenda — was he the one who sent the text or did he receive that text? If he sent it that would be more concerning to me. Anyways, we finally went on a date last night. He came all the way here drove 40 minutes in practically a blizzard , and his birthday was three days ago so I made him a cute blanket.
He was so into me and I was into him, too. We played around in the snow like little kids, cuddled, watched a movie at the theater, and got shakes. We had the most incredible night no intimacy and I felt so so so comfortable.
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He even came inside to meet my parents he was so nervous but unfortunately, they went to bed before we got there. Obviously, I was so taken by him. Not by his charm or anything, but by the effort he puts into being with me and everything. He takes out so much time from his busy schedule to Skype with me, which he initiates a lot, and he drove to see me and paid and was a huge gentleman. We clicked on SO many levels, it was insane.
So today, he said good morning, etc. He not only read the email but he also viewed my profile. That just killed me. I could honestly envision us together for a long long time, and it just came as a blow. I feel the same way. Also, I apologize for the novel. Thanks so much, I really appreciate it, Brad. All that said, given how you two talk I would expect it to be down very soon within the next week.
I met him nearly 2 years ago on a dating website. Anyway, last week his sister had been awful to me and I was home alone and upset. I was online, depressed and feeling miserable. In the browser history I was looking to see if he had been viewing porn websites when I noticed a dating website there. I feel awful doing that but once I saw it I clicked on it. No one else uses the laptop except us.
Why is he window-shopping for other women when he says he wants to marry me? I said I had made an account and saw him on there. I asked why he was on there still. I can easily deactive or suspend it. He said he had nothing to feel guilty about. This last weekend he finally got the courage to inform his mother that he had proposed 6 months ago! It seems to have disappeared overnight and I feel lousy and worthless.
We got on amazingly well. This required him to travel like 3 hours to visit me where i was at that time….. Tbh, i think we were both so shocked at how well we got on, how much we had in common and how much we were laughing. We met a coupld more times and then slept together, its not something i do easily at alllllllllll, it just felt right at the time. My feelings for him were getting so deep and I wanted to be his gf.
His parents are apparently reaaaaaaaally keen on this idea and so are hers. The keep saying they will hav a good future together and will make them proud if they get married one day. He told me he isnt keen on that idea but at the saem time how he doesnt want to make them unhappy. Anyways, we still met up and spoke very very regularly over the next 6 months. However, after a while i think we both stepped back slightly due to this situation.
So we stopped meeting up but we kept tlking. We went to a spa, it was beautiful and we ended up staying the night together…….. It just felt right. We spent most of the night talking to be honest with you. He was very interested in asking me about my life, my opinions, my family, my experiences and he genuinely seemed to care and to want to listen. I have never seen a guy so keen to listen to me in my life. We seem to hav a major connection. He was very sweet and affectionate. It feels so much like a relationship and that he is warminig to the idea, but we havent discussed it cos we cant due to his parents and their plans for him.
Anyways then necxt evening, when we arer leaving, we hav an odd goodbye, but then i guess we always do. He tells me how lovely a time he had and how he doesnt kno if we will definately be able to meet again due to the situation. He tells me to look after myself and tries to make the goodbye casual and jokey….. I ask for a proper goodbye and he hugs me and hesitates to kiss me…….. I guess cos he doesnt want to be too attached?
A few days later I log back onto the online chat room we met on seven moneths ago, I made a new profile and he was online…………. He opened a convo, I spoke to him like i normally do and we got on so well but he did notttttt kno it was me! He was really keen to see a pic of me so i showed him a few not too close up, he kept asking for closer pics………….
His convo with me, pretending to be another woman was not flirty, it was more obscenely friendly tbh and he was keen to open a convo, be friendly, overly maybe ask for msn or skype…. We tlk veryyyyyyyyyy veryyyyyyy often and I guess I havent mentioned being official in maybe 7 months: S maybe i should again?! I wud like to add we are both the same age and same religion but from differentt cultures origionally they are similar. We are both born and riased in the UK. Laura — I think it would be a good time to mention being official again. For you other questions on if his story is true or if he was using you for sex…I really have no idea.
It is concerning that he would trying to chat with other women where you met though. This happened to me after being in an exclusive relationship for 14 months. I also had a gut feeling as it had happened to me previously. The emails he wrote to her were very flattering and he said beautiful things to her just like he did when he first met me and how he wanted to meet her and possiibly have a relationship with her.
He even had the brashness to say in his email to this imaginary girl who was me: If you NEED to lie, perhaps its time to keave. I then handed him the piece of paper and headed for the door. The only problem is that I now trust NO-ONE and everyone I meet on the net is suspect, although now I keep my profile up even though I do not use it so at least they know I my profile is still active.
I, like most people here, have a very similar situation. I met a man on match about 4 months ago, and things have been wonderful. I had been on a few dates from the site, and was just about to lose interest completely when I met him. In about another month or so, he will know for sure if he will stay here or be sent away, and we have agreed to talk about being officially exclusive at that time. I offered my patience in return for his honesty. About 2 weeks after we met, I cancelled my match account, and closed out my POF profile.
He said that he had taken his match account down, and I believed him. I had no reason not to. About a week ago, I noticed that he had the POF app installed on his phone, and he just got a new phone a few days before that — so I calmly asked him about it. He claimed a guy he worked with asked him to check out and see if his wife was messing around. I let it go. Again, I calmly asked him about this, and he seemed genuinely confused. We are both almost 30 years old, and I really want to believe him.
Until now, nothing about him has bothered me at all, and I would hate for this to ruin what could be a great thing. Does it seem like he could be telling the truth? Or am I being played? Alsia — I say dump him. If you guys are planning vacations and are seeing each other soo frequently, he should have more respect for you and not have ANY active accounts. That is just rude and disrespectful. Also, he may get deployed and leave. Find someone who makes things easy for you, not hard and stressful.
Hi Sarah — thank you for your opinion. Fortunately, things have been wonderful and things just keep getting better between us. A few days after I posted, he and I went to lunch and had a serious talk about it. We had talked about it over the phone and via text message and it left me unsettled, but talking to him about it face to face has made a serious impact on how I felt. As far as the deployed thing, he is getting deployed in a few months, and this is something I knew about not long after we met.
We actually had a very serious conversation about the future last weekend, and ours seems bright. Any insecurities I had were short lived — he has proved to me through his actions that I can trust him. Gaining my trust, after my past, is not an easy task and he has managed to do it. There are going to be ups and down, good and bad — you just have to be willing to put forth the work.
I would rather have someone that challenges me and pushed me to be a better person every day, and I intend to do the same. Hi Brad, I desperately need your insight! This article has been very helpful but I want something a little bit more specific. I met my guy online just before xmas Our emails were immediately riveting and he even told me it seemed like we knew each other for ages.
Finally we decided to meet on 7 Jan. We set it up on Tuesday. When he tried to confirm, I told him I hade forgotten we had a date and promised lunch to a friend. Later that evening me and my friend were going to move to another location and I texted him to let him know. Till that time though we had exchanged numbers but he had not texted me. Once I texted him he was quick with his response and asked me to come over to his suburb.
You see he is 34 and I am We are both very well established and pleasing to the eye. We are both very social and ambitious. The next morning he begged to meet me and we agreed to brunch on Sunday 9 Jan. On Monday he contacts me and asks to lock in a time and date. I tell him I am very busy through the week and can manage Saturday. So we met and he told me he was glad I had pushed him out. He asked me when my last relationship was. We had a great time. I was upset since according to dating norm he should have paid.
While we were saying goodbye he asked me out and I agreed. On Monday I texted him and we texted the whole day. Things were going great and he asked me to meet him on Thursday. He had told me earlier that he wanted to get off the dating site. I never made any such claims. Between Monday and Thursday I noticed he was logging in. So when I met him on Thursday I asked him why he was online if he so wanted to get off. We ended up sleeping together and he spent the night at my place. The next morning I asked why he always tried to meet me during weekdays and he said it was just a coincidence cos his weekends would get so busy.
I agreed and let it go. Later that night I noticed he had taken his profile off and I was very happy. We still caught up on Sunday evening and it was lovely. He was suddenly not wanting me to meet his friends. Earlier he would ask me to do so. I realised it was early days and though it hurt I let it go. I texted and welcomed him back and told him to enjoy. We met later that evening and had a good conversation where I told him to ask the next time.
I asked him on Sunday and he said he was in there cleaning up his inbox before deleting. I had on Sunday deactivated mine. He keeps pushing things back on me. On Sunday he told me he thought it was harmless to email though he was only seeing me. None of this sits well with me. I activated my account and let him know. I was terribly upset. Again he pushed it back on me and I had had enough. We met on Monday and had a great time. However he did mention valentines day. Also we made plans to meet on Friday. I am very upset. Why is he doing this? Has his ego been hurt that I was online when he had removed the earlier account?
Is he just being stubborn and testing me? Or am I a time filler till he finds something better.
Do you think GAG should combine these topics?
So why is he still looking? Is he playing me? I met a guy 2 months ago on match. He asks me out every weekend and also at least once during the week. After about a month, I hid my profile. I asked him if we are exclusive and he said yes. I'll keep this short and sweet.
7 dates. She still checks her online dating profile
Met a girl online. Over the course of months we've been on 7 amazing dates. She's really in to me. Loads of hugging, holding hands, kissing on her part. She's invited me to stay around twice. We've had sex around 8 times. I signed on to my dating profile over the weekend to delete it not because of us getting close, just haven't got time for it only to find she was online.
Now I'm really confused. We last dated on Friday when I stayed, text each other Sat and Sun and that was the last I heard from her. She didn't reply to my last text.
7 dates. She still checks her online dating profile - GirlsAskGuys
Any advice much appreciated. Have you ever done something, and accidentally pissed your partner off? What should I do? When should someone give up on chasing you? Should a woman pay for her own meal on a date? Would you date someone if they had no passion in life? What Girls Said 6. She might not want t close other options, talk to her about it.
What Guys Said 4. Was this the right response? She also said she's not texting or sleeping with any other guys. But the fact remains she's on the dating website still! I just said thats ok that youre not seeing anyone else, but if you do start sleeping with other guys then i want to know about it basically so i can call it off, i'm not into that idea at all! A Sorry for the long story above, but any advice on what to do next is good.
Just play it the same as i have, keep dating and no pressure? Or up the ante a bit? I'm wary of coming off too much as Mr Nice guy in all this. Location Australia Posts Yeah dude, I'd say you did the right thing. You have a pretty good situation here: If you stick with the mindset that you guys are FWB or just casually sleeping together, eventually she'll want to become exclusive. As for the texting, maybe make yourself a little bit more scarce, but make your texts funnier and more interesting.
Go look up the list of text messages on this forum. Let me give you a quick story that really relates to your situation: About 14 months ago I started talking to this sweet young thang on Plenty of Fish. We had good chemistry, had sex, blah blah. I start to notice that she still goes on POF, even as we're texting each other back and forth.
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As it turns out, she just finds it entertaining to cruise POF and read all the dumb messages she gets. We ended up having a solid relationship and a lot of dirty sex for the next 4 months until I left for Afghanistan. Now I just wish she would leave me alone The moral of the story is: Keep giving her good dick and she'll keep coming back. Age 48 Posts 8, If she got out of an 8 year relationship, I wouldn't have brought it up for a few months. And if she wants to date other guys, she has that option, but just see what happens over the next few months.
She opened up the next day about what's going on with her, which is good. And being non-judgmental about her dating other guys right now is how you want to be The thing is, the one night she wants to go out with a friend or meet up with someone, you're going to jump to conclusions that it's an online date and it's prob. How do I attract my type in an online dating profile?